Thursday, September 3, 2009

New Beginnings


I know it has been a couple of months since I have blogged. Truth be known, I just got to the point where I just didnt feel like it. Im not sure I can really explain that because during my time of absence I kept a written journal. I think it was more or less I had some private issues and I just didnt feel the world should read. My recovery has been a long journey, a journey I suppose Im still traveling. I had a spinal fusion last month to correct some vertebraes in my back from the accident in Janurary. Since then I cannot stress how much better I have felt. In a way I feel like a new person. In these last couple of months, I have gone back to work on the farm, and I have been ejoying life to the fullest. I think it is all behind me now and I can concentrate with getting on with my life. Although my accident was a major set back in life, I learned a few things from it.

I learned just how much I love my family and how much my family loves me. We all became one. We exchanged harsh words and we shared tears but through it all we became closer than we ever were. I thank my sister for babying me the way she did because truth be known she was who I turned to the most when I hurt the worst inside and out. She gave up her family to see to my needs, hold me when I needed to be held, dried my tears when I couldnt control them, helped dress me when my body was too broken. she worked with me overcoming my disabilities and she pushed me whe i wanted pushed and she backed away when i needed rest.

It is my oldest brother that I feel I became the closest too in my time of healing. He took over the farm, took over all my business accounts, he kept the work force at peace and always working and at the days end he would walk into the house and kiss the top of my head every single day. We shared so much agression toward eachother in the past that my accident brought us closer than my sister and I. He pushed me harder than anyone and he never would let me give up.

What I learned most of all is how strong of a person I really am. Even through previous hardships of a divorce from a cheating spouse and losing an adoption, the grief of losing my grandmother, illnesses with my children that left them hospitalized for a brief time, i learned there was nothing I couldnt handle. I admit the accident was the biggie in my life, with huge setbacks, but the accomplishments i made each day, each week, each month left me with a feeling that is indescribable. Those accomplishments left me feeling confident and stronger.

As I have overcome my accident fully now and starting a new chapter in my life. I can look back and say "Damn Haley You did good girl!"

Where do I go from here? Im not so sure, where ever the next road leads me I guess. But one thing is for sure, I know whatever obstacle comes my way, I will be able to defeat it because I have already defeated the worst in my life.

Do I continue on with this blog? Or do i make another?

Today I feels great to feel this damn good :)