Fighting

Today I laid alone deep in my own thoughts. Absorbed by my own insecurities. Wondering why life has to take so many twists and turns. I let my thoughts wander to a time where I felt the strongest in my life, where I felt I was on top of the world, where I felt I was in complete control, a time where
I felt whole and complete. I was my own person, raising my daughters alone, yet secure, confident,and independent. Today I let myself be depleted by my own inadequacies, apprehending the realization of what I no longer am and who I no longer am.
As tears began to fill my eyes, I realized I was letting too much negativity consume me and for a moment I let myself be held captive by my own adversity.
I needed to relinquish these dark and dreary thoughts and find once again my fortitude to move onward.
I have overcome so much in my past that has made me stronger and wiser, there was no need to let this adverse sudden feeling of failure and guilt consume me. There is nothing I can do to change the current situation at hand, there is nothing I can do to take away what has been done.
I am halfway there, the worst is behind me. I can look back on happier times and smile a tearful smile, and embrace gracious memories. Yet I can look ahead and embrace the knowledge that this is one of God's requirements to obtain the rainbow at the end of my journey. Knowing that a more confident, smarter, stronger me will emerge when my journey has ended and I begin to embark on another.
I look ahead into the future knowing there is a bright light in the darkness that often swallows me.
I know right around the corner there is hope, hope is my future. I search for hope knowing that holding
on to hope is what will get me through. If I lose hope, then I have lost it all.