Thursday, April 23, 2009

The TRUTH is....

This morning after my daughters left for school, I sat on the front porch in one of the straight back chairs, to enjoy the beautiful sounds and sights of the bright morning. Wrapped up in one of my Grandmother's multicolored afghans to keep the chill off, I started thinking about how the TRUTH can really hurt people's feelings.
As I was recovering from a brain injury from my accident, my neuropsychologist would often give me single words to reflect on. Two of those words were Patience and Hope. Those were the two that seemed to help me the most. This morning, one single word kept playing in my mind...TRUTH. I sat wrapped in my afghan thinking how the TRUTH can be quite damning sometimes.
As human beings we do not want to hear the TRUTH when we feel it is going to hurt us. Some of us beg for TRUTH, and liars always have a hard time speaking the TRUTH. As parents we try and teach our children not to tell a lie. We sometimes tell them the story of our first president, "Father, I cannot tell a lie, I cut down the cherry tree". With that, there is speculations in TRUTH that George Washington was not the first president, but some believe John Hanson was. TRUTH be known, we may never know who was the first president. Some believe that George Washington became the first president under the constitution we follow today. There are beliefs that 6 more presidents were elected after John Hanson's term. Is there TRUTH that there were 7 forgotten presidents?
When we ladies ask "do these jeans make my butt look big?" Are we really seeking the TRUTH? Do we really wish to know the the TRUTH? Men often result to a little white lie in fear of hurting ones feelings upon such a simple question.
We were taught to speak the TRUTH for the TRUTH will set you free.
We played the childhood game TRUTH or Dare, and some of us, like me, chose TRUTH over a dare. Sometimes we avoid the TRUTH in fear that we will get in trouble. I remember a time when I was about 5, my mother and my neighbor warned me over and over not pet the neighbor's chihuahua, for he would bite. One day I wandered over to the neighbors house. The chihuahua was outside yipping and yapping at me. I couldn't imagine such a tiny thing being so mean. I reached down to pick him up, and was bitten on the lip and nose. One of his teeth cut the side of my nose and I was bleeding pretty bad. I was scared to go home and tell my mother what happened for I feared her often abusive hand. When she asked what happened, the first thing that popped in my mind "I fell on a pine cone" Apparently the cut was pretty deep because I had a "butterfly" stitch applied to side of my nose. It was 20 years later before I ever confessed the TRUTH to my mother. She was telling someone how I cut my nose and lip on a pine cone as child. "Well Mom, TRUTH is, I picked up that damn chihuahua and he attacked my face" Why I was suddenly compelled to tell the TRUTH after all those years is a mystery to me, but the TRUTH set me free. No longer did I have to feel the guilt of lying to my Mother about that Chihuahua!
For the most part I have always been an honest person, yet I have spoken my share of a few white lies.
I tried teaching my daughters TRUTH is always better than a lie. When my youngest daughter was 3 years old, there was a little old lady telling her how precious she was. Shelby kept backing away from her. The lady made a comment of Shelby being shy. Shelby was by far from shy and I had a feeling why she was backing away. I had hoped that Shelby would remain quiet, when suddenly she squealed "I'm not shy, You have a big green boogie in your nose!" Sometimes the TRUTH is best left unsaid!
The majority of the reason why I was reflecting on TRUTH so much this morning was simply because in speaking the TRUTH to a dear friend, I hurt their feelings. Speaking the TRUTH in how I felt was not what they wanted to hear, yet I have a hard time in keeping quiet, and I continued to voice the TRUTH in what I felt. In speaking the TRUTH I caused pain in both he and myself. What I voiced was the TRUTH in me, what he voiced was the TRUTH in him, those two TRUTHS were two totally different views. His a softer TRUTH, mine a more volatile TRUTH.
The TRUTH can be so explosive sometimes and I guess that's why some of us refrain from the TRUTH.
There are times we simply just do not want to hear the TRUTH.
With my brain injury, I became a mean person. I was self centered, and I spoke too much TRUTH, and would often cry when I realized the damages done. In speaking angrily TRUTHS I pushed those away who meant alot to me.
Some understood, Some didn't, but the TRUTH is, I damaged feelings in both others and myself and there was not much I could do to take away that hurt. No matter how much I offered my apologies, the damage was done.
In learning to deal with my anger, my depression, and deal with situation, I realized how many people in my life were affected by my accident, thanks to my brothers Steve and Lonnie. My sister always took a soft approach to my anger outbursts, my brother Lonnie did not. He fought back, yelling right back at me. One day he got in my face, nose to nose, and yelled "Haley, you have become a self centered bitch no one wants to be around! Wake up! You were not the only one who suffered in this accident, we all have! We all changed our lives to take care of you, and you're too wrapped up in your own little pity party to see the TRUTH. We cant help you when you wont help yourself" Those TRUTHful words stung, and hurt. I cried for hours.
Simply put, TRUTH hurts. But with that hurt, we become stronger and wiser. My sister Kelly tried calming Lonnie, who in return yelled at her "No Kelly, she needs to know the damn TRUTH instead of you babying her all the time"
He was right, and with that TRUTH I realized I had become a self centered bitch, and I vowed I would never be again.
I realized how much my family has done for me, how my harsh words have hurt and pushed people away. How I had let my inadequacies infuriate and hurt the people who meant the most to me. I wanted to make things right, and I knew I had to confess my wrongs and I had to admit the TRUTH!
It was that TRUTH yelled by my brother that has gotten me this far. I worked harder in my physical therapy, I worked harder in psychological therapy and I let myself be taught how to fight to become whole again.
I realized how much TRUTH in my life has made me stronger.
When I learned the TRUTH of my ex husband's infidelity, it hurt at first, but I gained from it. I became more confident in myself as I healed from that pain. I worked harder to provide for my girls, I became independent, and I became much more wiser to men in my life.....ok, that last statement might not be so TRUE!
When I was told the TRUTH by doctors that I could never have children, I proved them wrong by adopting my two daughters.
When I was told farming was not a woman's job you will never make it, I worked harder to prove the TRUTH that I could do it and today I have a very successful and diverse farm.
TRUTH is so harsh, yet we can grow, learn, and become someone stronger in learning the TRUTH.

Today I confess....The TRUTH


Julong on April 23, 2009 at 3:49 PM said...

Its very nice and good idea blog.I like its.

Prometheus on April 23, 2009 at 11:01 PM said...

Very nicely written. My only criticism would be maybe you can press the enter key and make a space or two after each paragraph.

I think you touched on a very cool topic. The truth is a kind of grey area in a sense there are times where you probably need to tell a small lie sometimes for the good of another.

Like the jeans example you said. I remember a girl once telling me she would like her bf to tell her she looked beautiful even though she knew she wasnt. So in that situation do you make your gf happy with a white lie or tell her the truth which will not benefit her.

Also based on peoples personalities, some people need the harsh truth to help them get better or acheive things, whereas a more fragile person might need encouragement (be it a lie) instead.

I can prolly keep going but I will leave it at that hehe.

Sanjeev Saikia on April 24, 2009 at 4:05 AM said...

Hi Haley,

I do hope you have recovered to a great degree from your accident. Your blog is thoughtful and nice... Why don't you dwell on the word Joy. It leads you to wonderful places...


Steinar Arason on April 24, 2009 at 8:41 AM said...

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LLnL on April 24, 2009 at 2:33 PM said...

I adore this post. I love the thought provoking questions that seemed to stir my soul. Does truth hurt, it sure seems to but that does not jib with my belief that the truth will set you free. So what do I believe?...

I believe that is not the truth that hurts but the attachment to things: to our ego, to a specif dream, to a precious memory, to an idealized understanding of someone. When you are stuck on believing that things should be easy, you felt hurt when you find out you have a difficult path ahead of you. When your attached to your beauty and the attention it brings, it hurts to look in the mirror after a traumatic accident.

A person who understand that they are not a body, a career or a relationships but instead or spiritual being has a better understanding that every tangible thing is temporary and that thing you don't have aren't that important. Forest Gump was never considered intelligent by normal standards but only respond, "Stupid is what stupid does" in response to someone asking him if he was stupid. The cure for being hurt by the truth is learning how to accept and live in the present moment. You can have goals to make improvements but the more your focus is on the now, the more joy and the less pain you will experience.

I sorry I have not been back to visit. I really love your writing but was unsure how often you updated it. I glad to see I have some catching up to do.

TheFortunes on April 24, 2009 at 3:01 PM said...

Haley, your posts are touching, and the idea to put the pain away with writing is admirable one, and you're doing a great job with it ;) It will be easier to read if you do put some space between paragraphs as was mentioned earlier.

About the TRUTH... hmmm, I was just like you, always telling the truth, and no matter what were the consequences for the others and me. Now I am much more careful with it, as truth is only good if it does not hurt. There are ways in telling the truth in a nicer way, and wrapped in softness, and without needing to lie really. Just like the saying: it's easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar ;) Go girl and have a great weekend :)

LazyKing on April 24, 2009 at 8:09 PM said...

Great post 10/10.
I'll have to come back every now and then because you write really nice posts.
My only criticism, like the 2nd comment, is the lack of spaces in the posts and you can justify the text.
for my comment i'll say "A lie that make things work or repair is better than a truth that hurts or destroy"
But I think people should always tell the truth

Sahasi on April 30, 2009 at 6:33 AM said...

Very insightful... I like your blog. Will start following you from now on...

Being and Quirkiness on April 30, 2009 at 7:48 AM said...

Truth belongs to no one, therefore no one can take it from us, and that's probably why we are not so much on a quest for truth...

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